Courageous Conversations: A Dental Professional’s Most Powerful Skill
Conflict is at an all-time high within dental teams and the American workplace at large. Nearly 85% of U.S. employees report experiencing some kind of conflict at work, and in 2023, almost 36% experienced it consistently, a 25% increase from 2008! Sixty-seven percent of employees avoid colleagues all together due to bad feelings from conflict, and 25% call in sick or stay away from work to avoid conflict (Daniel, 1998).
The main reasons cited for conflict were personality clashes, stress, workload, disorganization, dishonesty, poor leadership, and avoidance.
We’ve all done it. We avoid conversations we need to have because we’re afraid—afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, afraid we might make things worse. We stuff down the words we want to say. We feel like a victim of the person, behavior, or circumstance when all along it’s actually who lacks the courage or skills to have these necessary conversations.
Why We Avoid Hard Conversations
Why do so many of us, who are top-notch professionals in every other way, do this?
For many, it comes down to bad past experiences. We may have spoken to someone in the past with the best of intentions, but when those conversations did not go well, we learned to avoid them.
The problem with avoiding, of course, is that situations rarely resolve themselves and typically get worse over time, which only strengthens our irritation, confusion, or negative feelings. This erodes openness, trust, creativity, and weakens our relationships.
Tools for Courageous Conversations
You can engage in these conversations with predictably better outcomes by recognizing and shifting your limiting beliefs and adding a few of these tools:
1. I Never Lose. I Either Win or I Learn.
When you believe you cannot lose, no matter how the conversation goes, and the only reality is that you will either create a good outcome for both parties or learn something powerful about what works or what doesn’t, you will have more courage.
2. Crucial Information May Be Missing.
Listen first, talk second.
“Sara, I want to talk to you about how we are handling our end-of-day closing process. I have some concerns about it, but first, I’m wondering how you think we’re doing?”
It’s amazing the enlightening information you will learn when you ask for this valuable and relevant information up front. This can shift your perspective, heighten empathy, or even cause you to change your mind completely.
3. Agreement is a Good Place to Start.
Where you agree is a much stronger platform from which to launch the conversation. As you plan for the conversation, consider where you might agree within the issue and start there.
Example: “Would it be fair to say, Sara, that we both want to get out of here as close to 5:00 as possible to get home to our families?”
Most reasonable people will agree. The rest of the conversation will be easier because it now seems in service to the foundational place of agreement.
4. Judgement is a Relationship Killer.
Very few things are definitively good or bad, right or wrong. If we can suspend our personal judgement and focus on whether something works or doesn’t work, we do better. Things are either in alignment with the vision, value, and standards or out of alignment.
Instead of speaking about things being wrong or bad, switch to “This doesn’t work for maintaining our value of excellent service.” Or, “This works better for supporting the team in accomplishing our goals.”
5. Nobody HAS to Do Anything.
We really can’t make people do anything. It’s much better to speak about choice and show confidence in the fact that most people will make the choice that is best for them. We speak in a much less threatening way when we highlight the person’s choice to align with our values, company vision, team objectives, or even what I call my “non-negotiables.”
For example, “Sara, one of my non-negotiables is that we are all here at 7:45, ready to go for the day. I completely understand that it may not be possible for you to be the kind of mother you want to be for your children every morning and get here by that time for work. I respect that very much. Only you will know the options available to you and whether you can do both. I’ll fully respect whatever decision you make. If you decide to continue to work here, you will need to commit to our team agreement of a daily start time of 7:45.”
In other words, Sara doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do and certainly not anything that goes against a core value for her… and to work here, she would need to be here at 7:45 am. You then position yourself as always being Sara’s champion, helping her to be “at choice” and to make the decision that is best for her.
6. Resolve or Request.
All upsets are usually the result of a missing agreement or a previous agreement which has been broken. Clarify up front if you are resolving and solving for a missing agreement or requesting that a previous agreement be met.
7. No Two People Will See the Past the Same.
Every time they go back, we go forward.
When they say, “That’s not what I do!” or “I always do that!” (even if I don’t agree) I say, “Okay… and looking forward, how can we create a way to ensure that it’s always done according to our agreement?” or “Okay, let’s focus on creating a process where I can feel as confident about this as you do.”
8. “And” is Almost Always a Better Word Choice Than “But.”
“And” builds on the previous statement; “but” cancels it out. Be sure to connect any of these steps with “and” instead of the word “but.”
Example: “Sara, you always bring the most valuable information about our patients to our morning meeting, and I’d like to talk about how we can support you in being on time for our meetings every morning.” This would be a very different sentence if we used the word “but” instead of “and.”
9. Be Open Instead of Right.
Creative solutions can surprise you in conflict. If you’re open and not married to being right, it’s amazing what two reasonable and thoughtful people can create. Go into the conversation with ideas, and be open to the delightful surprise of an even better solution.
Leading with Courage and Compassion
Our world desperately needs more non-judgmental, thoughtful, and courageous conversations. Our own professional and personal worlds need them, too, and leaders always go first. So, step up. Be courageous. Open your mind and your heart. Step out of anger and into courage and collaboration.
Take responsibility for not speaking about these things sooner. Go into the experience ready to learn and grow yourself. Be sincerely curious and creative about what’s possible. Be a champion for the other person, no matter the outcome.
For a free copy of our LionSpeak Courageous Conversations Support Sheet for your team, email us at info@LionSpeak.net with CC Support Sheet in the subject line.
We invite you to learn more about our virtual Leadership Academy, where we help build leaders, managers, and empowered professionals to speak, lead, and grow their teams with clarity and inspiration.
About the Author
Katherine Eitel Belt and LionSpeak Communications Coaching provide training services designed to help dental teams access their own instinctive greatness and their full potential. If you’d like to dramatically improve your leadership communication skills for management conversations, training sessions, and team culture, visit our website www.LionSpeak.net for a look how we can help you master consistently-excellent, unscripted communication. You’ll find audio & video training programs, workshops, virtual and on-site team training, and team culture retreats. Call us at (800) 595-7060 and identify yourself as an AADOM member to receive an extra 10% off!
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