The Importance of What We Say and How We Say It
Much of the friction within a team comes from misunderstandings.
People often say, “That was not my intention; I didn’t mean it that way.” However, it is all in the eye of the beholder; it hinges on how the other person receives and understands what we say.
We spend approximately 70% of our work time communicating (reading, writing, listening, speaking), and up to 80% of workplace challenges can be linked to misunderstandings.
If a person says, “When you said that, you made me feel like I was not important,” then we truly made them feel unimportant, regardless of our intentions.
We communicate because we want something to happen. Since it is in our best interest that communication flows as smoothly as possible, we must pay attention to what we say and how we say it.
Word Choice Matters
The words we use carry meaning beyond their definition; they are loaded with emotions. It might be because when we were little, our family said something using certain words or because, in different cultures, some words are charged.
It is hard to know those nuances beforehand. However, as office managers and team leaders, we can prepare so our communication interferes less drastically with our objectives.
Watch Your Tone
Conditional tenses, passive voice, and indirect speech inspire clarity and communication. It is best to be as direct as possible in our sentence construction.
It is not the same as saying, “Mia told me she could do the work” (direct speech), which sounds like a fact; there is no way around it; she said she could do it. Then, to say, “Mia said she could do the work” (indirect speech) sounds like gossip, something that might or might not happen, something muddy that I need to put time and effort into following up and making sure it occurs.
“But” Statements
“But” statements tend to generate defensiveness in our audience; they are a risky choice.
Using the word “but” in a sentence can negate everything we said before and be contradictory and dismissive. Using that, however, fosters collaboration and a sense of attainability.
It is different from saying, “We have a new software with many improvements, but it has a lot of pieces,” than to say, “We have a new software with many improvements and a lot of pieces.”
We want to use language that builds up and has a positive and constructive tone.
Starting with “Why”
Starting conversations with “why” can be perceived as questioning the person we are talking with, as if they have ulterior motives, and as if we doubt the legitimacy of the matter.
“Why do you want to do this?” will immediately generate an internal rebellion in our audience. “Why do I want to do it? Because I want, because I can, because it is not your problem!”.
Instead, we can use: Tell me more about it; what is your thought process? How did you get to that decision? I want to know more.
Enhancing Words
Using a vocabulary that supports our objectives is a smart choice and defines the culture of our practice.
This is a list of negative attitude words:
- Abandon
- Argue
- Attempt
- Avoid
- Careless
- Couldn’t
- Discourage
- Do not
- Fail
- Inadequate
- Inferior
- Lack
- Limit
- Loose
- Nearly
- Obstruct
- Rejected
- Rely
- Resistant
- Restrict
- Rush
- Scattered
- Try
- Unable
- Uncertain
- Unsuccessfully
- Withdraw
- Would have
Think of working and living in a clinic where you hear and use those words constantly. As opposed to being in one full of positive attitude words:
- Accomplish
- Attract
- Build
- Complete
- Construct
- Coordinate
- Demonstrate
- Develop
- Direct
- Engineer
- Establish
- Finalize
- Guide
- Improve
- Initiate
- Introduce
- Lead
- Manage
- Modify
- Negotiate
- Organize
- Outline
- Overcome
- Prove
- Select
- Simplify
- Specialize
- Transform
Now think of being part of a practice where they use positive words all the time, and they also use enhancing ones:
- Achieve
- Boost
- Consistent
- Develop
- Effective
- Efficient
- Enhance
- Enrich
- Increase
- Positive
- Success
Language shapes our reality; what kind of world are we shaping?
About the Author
Carolina Perez, DAADOM
Carolina Perez holds an undergraduate degree in communication and a master’s degree in group dynamics. Her original background is in corporate communications, training, and development.
In 2007, Carolina relocated from her home country of Venezuela to Houston. Today, she serves as the clinical director of Echeverri Dental Center.
Carolina has been an AADOM member since 2017. She received her AADOM Master Distinction in 2023 and her AADOM Diplomate Distinction in 2024.
