Listening to Respond vs Listening to Understand
Managing a dental office can teach you that there is always room to grow, no matter how many years you have done something. Even when we have mastered certain aspects of our career, we need to remember that there will still be opportunities to improve ourselves.
A recent experience taught me that I still had room for growth after 19 years at the same office. Through this experience, I learned to pause and listen to understand rather than listen to respond.
Facing Staffing Challenges During Peak Seasons
The issue that proved I had a lesson to learn was that we lost an administrative team member during the fall. Because this is typically the busiest time of the year for our practice, I was short-staffed and pulled double-duty while searching for a “perfect fit” to join our team. We all know when we are short-staffed, we do our best to keep things flowing.
Our office consists of two full-time dentists, one part-time periodontist, three full-time dental hygienists, and four full-time dental assistants. At that time, we only had one administrative team member and me.
During this time, there was a day when my only administrative member was sick, and I was faced with carrying the entire workload.
Managing a Full Schedule and Maintaining Patient Care
On this day, we had a full schedule with two new patients. We always schedule our new patients with the dentist for a comprehensive examination, full series of x-rays, full mouth intra-oral photo series, and full mouth periodontal and restorative charting.
Once the clinical time with the dentist is completed, we meet with the patient in a consultation room to review the information gathered and present the appropriate treatment plan. Once the dentist and patient have completed their discussion, I provide the financial and insurance discussion and schedule accordingly.
I will admit this is one aspect of my role that I thoroughly enjoy. It allows me to get to know the patient. I need to have conversations with patients to learn about the many different personalities that come through the office.
Unfortunately, being short-staffed interfered with the new patient experience that day, as I managed the phones and schedule and checked patients in and out. While we did our best with our situation that day, I took the time to email our new patients and apologize for what I thought was a chaotic new patient experience. I asked if there were any unaddressed questions or concerns and offered to schedule additional consultations.
Turning a Patient’s Frustration into Growth
One of the responses to that email was quite long. The patient shared that he had a wonderful experience and was happy he did because his wife had forewarned him that he had better not create any problems because she wanted to return. As I was reading his response, it raised my eyebrows because I knew his wife, and this did not sound like something she would say.
He also mentioned he hates going to the doctor and usually leaves annoyed; however, he appreciated that we seated him early and the dentist was personable. He was excited about his upcoming dental work. Not many people are excited about having their dental work done, so this response was a win and the first clue to my later growth issue!
After the dental work was done, he emailed us, expressing how angry he was with a crown we had placed for him and about his overall experience with our office. I was so confused. He was initially so happy with our office, but now he is not!
I knew I needed to respond to him and offered to schedule him to speak with the dentist. He refused, so I included the dentist he saw in my email response, which made him even more angry. He was not pleasant with her at all, and we both did the best we could with our explanations and encouraged him to come in to have the crown adjusted.
At this point, we were headed into Christmas break, and the office would be closed. I attempted to get him to come in, but he refused. In each email response, I acknowledged his concerns and frustration but was firm in stating the only way for us to remedy the situation was for him to come in.
Eventually, I gave him my cell phone number should he run into trouble over the holidays. I assured him we had emergency care even though the dentist he saw would be out of town. I received a thank you for following up, but he was not receptive to allowing us to address his concerns.
In all the emails, he was never angry with me, so we decided I would be the one to communicate with him. My staff, as most would, labeled him on the naughty list because they knew everything he was saying and feeling about our dentist was wrong. The staff’s loyalty to the dentist made them listen to respond rather than understand.
Normally, I would respond the same way they did. Still, I kept coming back to his first email response, discussing his dislike of doctors in general and remembering that his new patient experience was not our standard quality. I wonder, if that initial day had not been so overwhelming, would I have known before we ever touched his teeth for treatment that this would be the outcome?
The unhappy patient returned and let another dentist get him out of pain. On that day, he and I talked in the consult office about everything. He knew my dentist was not bad and even said he liked her. Without communicating with him at this moment and allowing him to speak about the situation, he may have stayed angry towards our office.
Choosing to communicate rather than respond to this patient taught me to practice my pause forever and listen to understand and that even after 32 years in the business, I had room to grow.
Practicing the Pause for Better Communication
A consultant once talked about this idea of practicing the pause; I thought she lived in Mayberry Dental Land, where everything was perfect.
Who has time to pause?
But many years after being introduced to the idea, I have learned we don’t have time not to practice the pause. As dental office managers, we must always look for the financial red flags, but we also need to look for those personality red flags, and boy, did I ever learn this lesson that. Paying attention to these things is what sets us apart in patient relationships. Too often, after years of doing the same thing, we listen with a ready response rather than listening to understand the patient.
If we practice the pause, there will be times we can prevent problems before they occur.
Even after many years in the same field, I learned to open clear lines of communication by pausing before responding so we can hear our patients and set a foundation for a strong working relationship. Communicating expectations from both the patient and the office can alleviate unnecessary stress for everyone involved.
This patient had communicated very clearly in his first email that he did not trust doctors; therefore, I should not have been shocked when his email about my doctor appeared. I could not expect him to trust my doctor when he did not trust any other doctor.
Everyone has their own perspective of things, and we cannot discount their perspective simply because it is not ours. Patients don’t need a ready response; they need us to listen.
My experience with this patient taught me we can all grow and be better at what we do, be aware of personality red flags, and just pausing can save you some stress.
About the Author
Tammy Fortenberry, MAADOM
Tammy Fortenberry, MAADOM, has been immersed in the dental field since 1992, pivoting from her initial dream of becoming a teacher to a fulfilling career in dentistry. She began her journey as a Dental Assistant and transitioned to the role of Office Manager in 2003. Tammy has been with her current practice since its inception in 2005, playing a key role in opening its doors.
In 2023, she earned the prestigious FAADOM designation, and in 2024, the MAADOM designation, reflecting her commitment to excellence in dental management.
Outside of work, Tammy enjoys life as a devoted mom to a blended family of four children, a proud owner of a perfect doodle, and the wife of her incredible husband.