Unlearning the Leader: Rewriting the Leadership Style I Thought I Needed
When I first stepped into leadership, I relied on what I already knew. I did not have a formal framework or a clear definition of what kind of leader I wanted to be. I simply led in the way that felt natural to me.
I focused on being supportive, approachable, and easy to talk to. I wanted my team to feel comfortable coming to me, and I worked hard to create an environment where people felt respected and heard. For a long time, I believed that was what made a good leader.
It was not until I started facing challenges within my team that I realized something important. The way I was leading was not wrong, but it was incomplete. That realization marked the beginning of a shift I did not expect. I had to unlearn the leader I had become.
The Leadership I Learned Without Realizing It
Long before I entered the dental field in 2011, my leadership tendencies were already forming. I was raised in the Philippines, where respect, humility, and taking care of others are deeply rooted values. You learn to listen before you speak, to avoid confrontation, and to be mindful of how your words affect those around you.
Those values became part of who I am, and when I stepped into leadership, I carried them with me. They helped me build strong relationships and create a supportive team environment. I became the kind of leader people felt comfortable with, and I took pride in that.
What I did not recognize at the time was how those same strengths were shaping the way I handled conflict, accountability, and decision-making. I was not just leading my team. I was leading through the lens of everything I had been taught.
When Strengths Start to Limit You
The shift began when I started to notice patterns that were not serving my team or the practice. I found myself avoiding difficult conversations longer than I should have. I softened feedback so much that the message was sometimes unclear. I prioritized keeping the peace instead of addressing issues directly.
My intentions were always positive. I wanted to be fair and understanding. But the impact was different from what I expected. Small issues were not addressed early, and over time they grew into larger problems. Expectations were not always clear, which created confusion within the team.
That was when I had to ask myself a difficult question. Was I leading in a way that truly supported my team, or was I leading in a way that simply felt comfortable to me?
The Decision to Unlearn
Unlearning is not something we talk about often in leadership. Most of the time, we focus on what to build or what to improve. Rarely do we think about what we need to let go of.
For me, unlearning meant challenging habits and beliefs that I had relied on for years. It meant recognizing that avoiding discomfort was not protecting my team. It was limiting them. It meant understanding that being supportive did not mean keeping every conversation easy or saying yes to everything.
This process required me to step outside of what felt natural. It required me to accept that growth would not feel comfortable, and that discomfort was part of becoming a more effective leader.
What I Had to Let Go Of
The first step in unlearning was awareness, but it did not stop there. I had to take action.
I had to let go of the idea that being liked was the same as being effective. I had to let go of the belief that being direct would damage relationships. I had to stop over-explaining or minimizing my message just to avoid discomfort.
These changes did not happen overnight. There were moments when speaking up felt unnatural and conversations required me to pause and reset. I had to remind myself that clarity is not unkind, and that being direct can actually strengthen trust.
With time and consistency, those moments became easier.
Rebuilding a New Leadership Approach
Unlearning created space for me to build something new. Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, I began preparing for them. I started to approach communication with more intention and clarity.
Before having a conversation, I would take time to think about what needed to be addressed and what outcome I was working toward. This helped me stay focused and avoid softening the message too much.
I also became more mindful of timing. Addressing issues early allowed conversations to remain constructive instead of reactive. It created opportunities for growth instead of correction after the fact.
Another shift was learning how to stay present during these conversations. Instead of focusing on how uncomfortable it felt, I focused on listening and responding in a way that moved the conversation forward.
Holding Empathy and Accountability Together
One of the biggest mindset shifts for me was understanding that empathy and accountability are not in conflict. Earlier in my career, I leaned heavily into empathy. I wanted to understand, support, and give space.
Now, I recognize that accountability is just as important. My role is not only to support my team, but also to guide them. That means setting clear expectations, following through, and addressing gaps when they arise.
I can still care deeply about my team while holding them to a high standard. In fact, doing both has strengthened my relationships and created more trust within the team.
What This Looks Like in a Dental Practice
In a dental practice, leadership shows up in everyday moments. It shows up in how you address missed protocols, how you respond to team challenges, and how you communicate expectations.
Unlearning the leader I used to be has changed how I approach these situations. I no longer wait for the right moment to have a conversation. I create the moment. I no longer assume expectations are understood. I make them clear.
I also no longer prioritize comfort over clarity. I focus on what will move the team forward while still maintaining respect and professionalism.
These changes have created more consistency within the practice and a stronger sense of direction for the team.
Lessons for Other Leaders
Looking back, there are a few lessons that have shaped my growth.
- Leadership is influenced by your background, but it is not fixed. You have the ability to evolve.
- Addressing issues early prevents larger challenges later. Timing matters more than we think.
- Clarity is one of the most valuable tools you have as a leader. It creates confidence and direction.
- Avoiding discomfort does not eliminate it. It only delays it.
- Growth requires self-awareness and a willingness to adjust.
Continuing the Work
I still consider myself in the process of unlearning. There are moments where I feel the pull to return to what feels familiar. There are situations that challenge me to communicate more clearly or step up in a different way.
The difference now is that I recognize those moments. Instead of defaulting to old habits, I pause and choose how I want to respond.
That level of intention has changed not only how I lead, but how I see myself as a leader.
Final Thoughts
Unlearning the leader I once was has been one of the most important parts of my growth. It allowed me to move from leading in a way that felt comfortable to leading in a way that is more effective.
I did not lose the qualities that made me who I am. I still value connection, respect, and supporting others. What I gained was the ability to pair those qualities with clarity, confidence, and accountability.
That combination has made all the difference, not only for me, but for the team I lead every day.
About the Author
Laurie Umandal, DAADOM
Laurie has been in dentistry since 2011 and currently works at Smile 4 Me Dental in Central Florida. With a forward-thinking mindset and a passion for growth, she has seen firsthand the potential that exists in dentistry when people are supported, challenged, and given room to grow. She believes dentistry grows best when leaders grow first, and her purpose is to empower practices and professionals with the mindset, systems, and space they need to evolve personally and professionally while leading with clarity, confidence, and purpose.
Outside of dentistry, Laurie is a wife and proud mother of three. She enjoys connecting with other dental professionals, being in larger rooms for learning and collaboration, and spending her free time with family—dining out, enjoying weekend staycations, and getting lost in a good book.
