What’s Your Number? A Simple Strategy for Resolving Workplace Disagreements
Finding yourself in disagreement with anyone can be very uncomfortable and, most times, difficult to resolve so that both parties feel heard, respected, and valued for their point of view.
The word disagree comes from the French word agreer, “to receive with favor or take pleasure in,” combined with the Latin prefix dis, which here means “do the opposite of.”
So why do we find ourselves passionately engaged in an argument when presenting our point of view and even willing to go down with the ship at any cost?
Why Disagreements Happen
In practice management, arguments and disagreements will present themselves in all relationships: peer-to-peer, manager-to-employee, or even the practice manager to owner/general of their office. So, how can we encourage healthy disagreements that produce positive outcomes for all parties?
It is essential to understand the purpose or goal of an argument for the parties involved. Almost always, it can be boiled down to three reasons:
- To change the other person’s point of view.
- To persuade them to accept a new point of view.
- Win.
5 Steps to Resolve Conflict
What if there was a way to end a disagreement in five easy steps that would lead to a positive resolution for both sides and develop a deeper level of trust because everyone has felt heard and respected for their position?
I developed this technique throughout the years because I was typically in the “I must win” category and learned I was getting in my way of having a healthier disagreement. After years of trial and error, I discovered these steps to much better outcomes. HINT: it wasn’t always me winning.
It has become a regular part of team meetings and brainstorming sessions and has become invaluable in moving any relationship toward teamwork and positive communication.
In any situation where I sense emotions increasing, voices rising, or notice team members retreating or disengaging, I quickly and loudly ask – “WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER”?
Not only is this a pattern interrupt, but it also serves as a cue for everyone to do the following:
- Stop and Reflect—I encourage you to take at least 2-3 minutes to talk with yourself to evaluate your point of view. Ask yourself your key points and how they relate to the resolution you seek.
- Be Honest—With yourself and with your adversary. Trust cannot be built without honesty and transparency, and it is the cornerstone of respect. It takes self-awareness and a willingness to be vulnerable—but it’s worth it!
- Prioritize your Key Points—Once you’ve taken an honest inventory, list the key points of your position in order of their importance and ask yourself, ‘How important are these to me, really?’ ‘Will I die if I don’t get my way?’ and ‘How might I respond if I were in the other person’s shoes?’
- Assign a Number to Your Position—Once you have reflected on your key points, on a scale of 1 – 10, assign a number representing how hard you are willing to fight to defend your point of view. Once you have gone through steps one through four, the last part is a breeze and a little fun.
- Count Out Loud Together 1-2-3—And simultaneously declare your number out loud (alternatively, you could write your numbers down and reveal them simultaneously).
Almost always, you will find your numbers are not the same. This will lead to a more positive discussion about each other’s numbers and how you arrived at them. I even find that once I hear why my counterpart chose the number they did, it clarifies the conflict in the first place and how important my position was or wasn’t about theirs.
As a manager, it’s always gratifying to see more dialogue and discussion compared to a breakdown in communication. The positive effects of healthy disagreement in the workplace are countless and come back tenfold in creating a positive and safe work culture.
About the Author
Jeannette Davidson, MAADOM
Jeannette Davidson is the Office Manager at The Kidds Place Dentistry for Children in Spokane, Washington, and has been a member of AADOM since 2020. She received her FAADOM in 2022 and MAADOM in 2024.
She began her role in dentistry later in life after making a life-changing decision to leave a 30-year career in sales, marketing, and business consulting. (Her current employer was a former client). Jeannette discovered the best of both worlds could exist by combining her non-dental experience with leading a fun and passionate pediatric dentistry team.