Tough “Love” Conversations
When I entered the dental field more than 15 years ago, I had no idea how difficult certain conversations would be. Coaching and counseling employees are rarely anyone’s favorite part of leadership, yet it is one of the most essential.
Whether you are the one delivering feedback or the one receiving it, these conversations are never easy. Still, avoiding them only damages the culture and morale of the practice.
Since 2022, I have become more comfortable having these “tough love” conversations. The growth did not happen overnight; it came through experience, support, and continuous learning.
Building Confidence as a Leader
Confidence in handling difficult conversations doesn’t come naturally; it is built over time. For me, several resources played an important role. AADOM round tables offered valuable perspectives from other managers, continuing education courses provided tools and strategies, and my husband’s encouragement and experience gave me balance.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of separating friendships from business.
It is natural to form close bonds with coworkers, especially in small practices, but stepping into a leadership role changes the dynamic. Recognizing and managing that shift is critical for effective leadership; however, it can be difficult when the individual moves up in the practice.
Lessons from Experience
One of my first challenges came when I was promoted to a leadership role while working alongside someone I had known since 2010. We had worked together for nearly a decade, but now I was her office manager. Navigating that transition was difficult because of our long-standing friendship, but it taught me the importance of setting clear boundaries.
These experiences reminded me that while relationships matter, protecting the culture of the practice must always come first. Leaders are entrusted with that responsibility, even when it means making unpopular decisions. Always remember that it is not personal when people get upset or when employees choose to leave the practice.
Preparing for Difficult Conversations
How do you prepare for these tough moments?
- Pause and breathe. Center yourself before starting.
- Align with the doctor. Having doctors’ support is essential for consistency and credibility. Remember, you should be a team and align with the core values of the practice.
- Practice. Role-play or outline the discussion so you are ready for different reactions.
- Don’t take it personally. Employees may get upset, but that doesn’t mean the decision is wrong.
This was a hard lesson for me. When one employee left because she disagreed with the direction we discussed, I carried the weight of that decision for months. Eventually, I realized leadership is not about pleasing everyone; it is about doing what is best for the practice.
Strategies That Help
With time, tough conversations become more manageable. A few strategies I rely on include:
- Allowing space for emotions. I often encourage team members to take 24 hours to reflect. If they are still upset afterward, we revisit the issue.
- Seeking support. Talking through scenarios with other office managers helps me see different perspectives.
- Maintaining positivity. Filling my own cup ensures I can show up as the leader my team needs.
The Bigger Picture
Tough “love” conversations will never be anyone’s favorite task, but they are one of the most important responsibilities of leadership. They protect culture, encourage accountability, and create space for growth.
While discouragement can creep in after a hard exchange, leaders must remember the bigger picture: our role is not only to manage an office, but also to create an environment where both employees and patients can thrive.
About the Author
Holly Hatfield, FAADOM
Born and raised in Missouri, Holly Hatfield is a proud Air Force Veteran who swore in on September 11, 2001, and deployed during Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom.
I’m a grateful Mom to an incredible son, wife to a supportive and inspiring husband, and Practice Manager at Tiger Family Dental, where I’m honored to serve alongside an outstanding team.
