Why is This on My Desk?
What learning to let go taught me about leadership, trust, and team accountability
After years of being the person everyone depended on, I eventually found myself looking at the growing pile of work on my desk and asking a simple but important question:
Why is this on my desk?
It did not seem to matter what it was. From lab cases to burs, software questions, and patient management situations, everything seemed to find its way to me. If someone was unsure, busy, or just did not want to figure something out, it often ended up on my desk.
Like many office managers, I did what most leaders do at first: I simply handled it.
I believed being helpful meant being available for everything. I thought supporting my team meant solving problems for them. Like many managers, I became the person everyone depended on.
When Helping Becomes Dependency
What I did not realize was that I was unintentionally creating dependency.
Like many experienced office managers, I had become the default solution without even realizing it.
Many of the questions coming to me were things team members could have asked each other. Some were things they could have explored in the software. Some were decisions they were fully capable of making.
But it was easier to ask me.
And because I cared about keeping things moving, I kept answering.
What I eventually realized is this: Just because something comes to your desk does not mean it belongs there.
Breaking the Habit of Being the Default Solution
I began noticing a pattern. The more I answered everything immediately, the more questions came. Not because my team was incapable, but because I had unknowingly trained them to rely on me.
This was not a team weakness.
It was a leadership habit.
Once I recognized this, I changed my approach. Instead of immediately answering questions, I started asking:
- “Who else have you asked?”
- “What have you tried?”
- “What do you think the solution might be?”
At first this felt uncomfortable, but something important started happening. Team members began thinking more independently, collaboration improved and confidence grew.
Leadership Means Empowering Others
Sometimes leadership looks like giving answers.
Sometimes leadership looks like giving people the chance to find answers.
I also began redirecting ownership. If something belonged within another role, I guided it back respectfully—not as rejection, but as development.
Instead of saying: “I’ll take care of it.”
I learned to say: “This would be a great opportunity for you to handle. Let me know if you need support.”
That small change made a big difference.
Strong practices cannot depend on one person. They depend on strong teams. Leaders should be supportive, but not the default solution for everything.
Accessibility should not create dependency.
Leading a Team That Can Thrive Without You
Today, when something lands on my desk, I still ask that question. Sometimes it belongs there. Sometimes it arrives there out of habit. That awareness helps me lead more intentionally.
If I could share one lesson with other office managers, it would be this: You do not prove your value by handling everything. Your value comes from how well your team functions.
Leadership is not about becoming indispensable. It is about building a team that does not depend on you for everything.
Because sometimes leadership growth starts with one simple question: “Why is this on my desk?”
Leadership Takeaway: If everything depends on you, you are managing. If your team grows without needing you, you are leading.
About the Author
Christina Graves, MAADOM
Practice Manager Christina Graves began her dental career in 2005 and brings over a decade of experience in dental office leadership. She is passionate about strengthening doctor–office manager partnerships, developing strong team cultures, and creating systems that support practice growth.
As a MAADOM, Christina is committed to continued professional growth and advancing leadership within the dental management profession.
